Boundaries

It’s safe to say that I didn’t know much about boundaries for the first 20-something years of my life. How would I know? Not many people talk about boundaries; conversely, conversations about boundaries usually lean towards telling others what they could or could not do and calling them boundaries.

My understanding of boundaries came in a baptism-by-fire situation. I had to learn how to articulate what was ok for me and allow others to decide how they would engage with me.

It took a lot of work to do that. Hard to stick to what I named.

It was easier to give in. Easier not to fight. Easier to allow others to violate the boundaries I had set.

Part of that was related to wanting to (or at leaser always trying to) please others. But that was just a miserable existence and set me up for deep resentment of myself and others.

Then I found this quote “boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” - Prentis Hemphill.

Wow!

What?!

Love. Boundaries were about loving myself and other people in my life.

Think about it, if you don’t maintain the boundaries that people encroach on, your space, your values, etc., you, in turn, become angry, resentful, hurt, and may possibly lash out. In those situations, neither person is showing the other love.

This quote blew my mind and truly helped me make sense of boundaries. But not just make sense of it, but helped me to be more confident in articulating my boundaries even if I was ridiculed or cursed out for having them.

How about you? Have you ever thought deeply about boundaries and what they mean? Do you know what your boundaries are?